After I accidentally slipped into a well of deep thinking, I realised that I hadn’t been entirely honest in my previous post about how I have been lucky with regards to not feeling betrayed.
In fact that was unintentionally a massive lie. I feel betrayed on a daily basis, I just looked at it from the wrong perspective.
The biggest betrayal we can face is betrayal from within.
I’m among the millions that have felt betrayed by themselves regularly. Like every betrayal, it can happen every day and we’d still be none the wiser. I’ve looked in the mirror on some days and thought “you’re looking pretty decent today Alex, glad to see some of that work is paying off!” with the next day potentially being “look at yourself Alex, how do you ever hope to be happy when you’re looking like that?”.
Sometimes, I find myself wishing that this only happened once a day. There are plenty of reflective objects in the modern world though; windows, so many windows. Looking at yourself not knowing what you’re doing to think is an odd sensation.
“You’re me, how are you thinking something so negative?”
This doesn’t just apply physically, the mind is capable of playing great tricks. I am lucky in the sense that I am able to be pretty rational. I’m not phased easily and know how to handle most situations calmly and effectively. Sometimes though, it feels like an uppercut in the morning, like you’ve been caught totally off guard and the world is just going to jab, going for the kill.
We laugh at life though. We find ways to beat our demons down. “You think I care if people know my weight? I’ll tell everyone!”
The fight is life-long and so many people don’t even think about fighting it, they accept that this is what life is, why fight it?
Being betrayed by yourself constantly is hard, but we can grow wise to it. We can’t predict the next move, but we can learn the moves and understand how they look before they strike.
Play the person, not the game.
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