Normally I would begin my posts with an image to either help people relate to the material I’m producing, or to brighten up the post if I think it could do with a little bit of ‘something’. This time however, I think I’ll just talk through how I’m feeling.
My partner and I decided to no longer be in a relationship.
That right there is the crux of it. Though I think the reason for our break up should certainly be acknowledged, as it was particularly difficult to understand whether or not it was time.
A little context first. We were together a little over three years and for the most part had a great relationship. So much in common, great conversation, and a deep love for one another.
Over the last few months however, I noticed that my feelings began changing. My feelings were based so much more on memories than the future and I’d find myself thinking back to when we had a particular moment rather than what we could be doing in the future. This confused me. I decided not to dwell on it too much, though I was constantly aware of it.
Then it hit me. I’d remained in love with the memories of my partner, but fallen out of love with her. This was horrific. My partner had not necessarily changed, n’or had I. There was no big immediate factor, no fight, no relationship-defining argument or anything of that sort. No, there was just an admittance that my feelings were no longer romantic.
Having the inevitable conversation regarding this was tough, really tough. To love someone but not be in love with them is very confusing, and throughout the conversation I found myself flicking back and forth constantly questioning myself. I was able to gain some respite in the revelation that my partner realised she felt the same way. It’s difficult to articulate feelings at the best of times. We did our best. We ended our relationship on good terms, with the hopes that in the future we could be friends.
I think it’s of so much importance to be ready to have these conversations with your partner, for a variety of reasons. We need to look after ourselves. Staying with someone for their benefit doesn’t benefit anybody, and is sure to only lead to resentment and no chance of friendship later down the line.
Whilst this is a particularly difficult time for me, I take great solace in the knowledge that I did the right thing by both myself and my partner. I have a great little network of friends, I love my job and have good prospects for the future. I don’t necessarily believe that things happen for a reason, but I certainly believe that we can take invaluable lessons from those things that do happen.